A FAT MAN'S JOURNEY

One of the side benefits of solo exercise is that without talking to someone else, your mind is free to roam. And, in my case, roam it does! Take tonight for instance.

It is May 7, 2002. Tonight I started phase 2 of my training regiment, whereby I am exercising twice a day instead of once. My evening exercise is a walk or hike carrying a day pack filled with winter clothes and wearing my hiking boots. My morning exercise is either a 2.5 to 5 mile jog or 45 minutes on the Stairmaster, a couple of hundred crunches on a slant board and pull ups and dips on the Gravitron. But, I think I am getting ahead of myself. Maybe a little explanation is in order………………

On tonight's hike, the mind roamed freely over various ways to tell this story. Should it be a journal with chronological musings? Maybe I should write my life story. Boring! Or maybe I should let this flow as my mind does. Yeah, that's the ticket, let's freeflow!

Naw, that would be too hard to follow. So, I think I decided that this story could be told using a journal technique, but that I would allow myself the freedom of digressing in order to tell the whole story. And that's what this is…the first digression of the story!

In December, I finally decided that enough is enough! Being fat is not good…not healthy, not attractive, not appealing and uncomfortable besides. I had reached 232 pounds…a lot of blubber for a 5'8" 50 year old man. I've been there, done that before. My whole life I have fought the fat battle. Lose 40 or 50 pounds, become a health fanatic, eat right, exercise plenty and then somehow, somewhere lose my way. This time I guess I got fat because of a severe case of what my Dad calls the PLOM disease. PLOM is an acronym for Poor Little Ole Me. In other words, I was depressed. And, I had plenty to be depressed about. I lost a small fortune in the stock market, didn't have a job, my self esteem was at an all time low and I was in complete denial of my despair. If you asked me, I took the Alfred E. Newman line: "What? Me Worry?" But I did worry plenty and food and the couch became my solace. But more about that later.

So, why did I decide it was time to get healthy again? Maybe it was the heart problems my friend David had Thanksgiving week. David has become one of my closest friends over the last few years. He is exactly one year older than me. We share the same birth date and have been celebrating together for the last few years. To make a long story short, David went for the routine stress test, ended up in the hospital with a major blockage, had an angioplasty and scared the living bejeezers out of me as I viewed my own mortality. David and I have a lot in common. We both have had plenty of heart trouble in our families, so our genes are predisposed to heart problems. We both were brought up in the South where fried chicken and other artery hardening delights were the norm. And we both worry a lot about everything, but try not to show it! So, I figured if David is having his first serious heart problems at 51, then I am not far behind!

So, I guess David had as much to do with my current fat fighting campaign as anything. As has been my experience in other fat battles, I know that exercise plays a big part in my campaign to lose weight. I started slow and built up to a pretty good program and the weight started to fall off. But, in order to keep my attention, I needed a goal. Whether it is in business, sport, family, finances or whatever I do, I am a goal oriented person. Give me a goal, point me in the right direction and I will usually succeed.

The goal became clear after much thought…I needed to be prepared to climb a 14,000 foot mountain in Colorado the 2^nd weekend in June. That was the time my daughter, Lisa, would be receiving her Master's Degree at The University of Denver. Since we would be there anyway, I could share one of her great passions, mountaineering, with her. Training now became easier, the weight started to fall off and I was well on my way to reaching my goal.

Now, it is May 7^th. One thing that became clear in tonight's hike was my desire to write about my journey. But exactly what journey do I want to write about? Is it my journey to the top of the 14'er or a longer journey through life. I am not sure, but maybe the smaller journey is a microcosm of the larger journey. Or, maybe I am just full of bullshit and this is an exercise that will flush it out of my system. Only time will tell.

I love to write. Unfortunately, up until this time, most of my writing has been done for business, not pleasure. This one is for pleasure and is for me! Only if I think it has any merit or has a possibility of entertaining will anyone else ever see this story.

So far today, I have been told that I am crazy and that I am obsessive. Guilty on both counts. As I started out of the neighborhood, I stopped to talk to a neighbor and explained the reason for the backpack: I am in training to climb a 14'er, and, by god, I am going to be ready. "I don't know what it is about you men when you turn 50," exclaimed Anita, "but you all seem like you have something to prove. You're crazy."

When I was nearly finished with the evening's sojourn, my wife, Connie, pulled up beside me in her SUV and rolled down the window. "I can't believe you're out exercising again. Didn't you already go to the gym today? You are really compulsive." I would prefer "dedicated", "determined" or "special" but I suppose compulsive is better than "crazy", "dumb" or "idiot."

Nonetheless, I feel good! I succeeded in 2 workouts today (the last time I did that was in high school), negotiated the lease on a client's condo, arranged the purchase of a new car for my mother-in-law, bought a new backpack and new hiking shoes, listened to some good jazz and began this story.

But, as Scarlett said, tomorrow is another day! It is nearly 11:00 and I have to get up early to jog. Besides, if I write too much on the first night, then I won't have anything to write about tomorrow.

So….A Fat Man's Journey begins……….

May19, 2002

Boy, time flies when you are having fun! It is hard to believe that I have not written anymore of this saga in nearly 2 weeks. But, I have again gotten bogged down in the responsibilities of the moment and felt that I shouldn't be writing for fun when a client's business plan has not been finished. Sometimes when I am writing, if the juices aren't flowing, then it is hard to put the words on paper.

It has been an interesting couple of weeks. I have been busy doing a lot of nothing!! All of my good intentions always seem to be cast to the side when things are not going my way. The real estate business is slow for me now. The few buying clients I presently have are only interested in those properties that don't exist and the selling clients are being unreasonable in their negotiations. Since I am not finalizing any contracts, the bank account is quickly dwindling. My finances are no better then they were 20 years ago. What a difference a few years and a stock market debacle makes. Notice that I didn't say "crash." A crash occurs to the entire market. This is a debacle because my results were precipitated by a downturn in the market coupled with my greedy and indefensible market strategy or lack thereof.

Let me backup….I was born in 1951 into a decidedly middle to upper middle class family in Atlanta. My Dad was a salesman..and a damn good one too! When I was born he worked for my Grandfather, Mom's Dad, in the family steel business but soon thereafter went out on his own. He was a road warrior that worked hard to provide for his family…his wife and 4 sons. I know there were financial struggle. I noticed that we didn't always have what others in our social circle and extended family enjoyed. But, it didn't seem to matter. We lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and there was always plenty of food on the table. Mom ran the house and always made sure that her brood was well fed. When it came to food, she was the typical Jewish mother. Her specialties always delighted and there was always plenty of food to go with the abundance of love.

Even though we weren't wealthy, my Dad always made sure that we lived large. My brothers and I all had cars, nice clothes and a little cash in our pockets. Most importantly though, Mom and Dad were always there for us. They didn't miss ballgames, school functions or the occasional trip to juvenile traffic court. They put us through college, helped us get a start in life and took great interest in what their "boys" were doing.

So, it was not a bad childhood, but I guess seeing others with more whetted my appetite for some of the better things in life. My folks always taught their kids the value of hard work. We all had jobs as soon as someone would hire us. Until then, there were always trucks to unload at Dad's warehouse and yard work to be done at home. My first real job was a summer construction job. Digging ditches, hauling concrete block and stacks of lumber as a general laborer not only built my body for the upcoming football season but also paid better than the easier grocery or ice cream parlor job. Even in this job, I immediately realized that it would be much better if I was the one giving the directions and orders rather than the one who was carrying out the tasks. And that line of thought carried throughout my work career.

Anyway, my life is the classic tale of boy works hard, boy makes good, boy realizes his financial dreams, boy has more then he ever thought possible and boy loses nearly all of the financial gains and comes back down to earth. So, now boy is trying to build all over again. Maybe that is what this journey is all about. Maybe, the financial success is not the end all of end alls.

Let me get back to today. It is Sunday afternoon. I have set this afternoon aside to work on my consulting client's business plan. And that is really what I should be doing, but I am one of the great procrastinators of all time. I usually do my best work when deadline pressures loom, so I am sure the business plan will be fantastic as the deadline is near, but this writing seems more important to me right now! I am sitting at my desk in my office, Beethoven playing in the background, rain pelting the windows and the rest of the world whirring on the other side of the closed door. In other words…..paradise! One of the things that is missed by living in Florida is the "ugly weather weekend day." That is the kind of day where one stays in and reads, writes, listens to music, takes a nap or watches a movie. No golf, no hike, no beach, no gym. When the weather is perfect everyday, I feel guilty if I am not out doing something, but this kind of day is refreshing.

My son, Brad, arrived home from college yesterday. Brad is one of my great accomplishments in life. A hulking 22 year old with a heart the size of Texas, Brad has just finished his 4^th year (of 5, hopefully) at the University of Colorado. Having him home for the summer should be an exciting experience. Hopefully, he will become an exercise companion. He can help to further motivate me as I attempt to motivate him to get back into shape. As a top-notch high school athlete, he was always in good shape. During his four years of college life he has let himself go and could now lose 40 or so pounds. I don't plan on getting on his case for at least a day or two.

The highlight of the last two weeks has been the addition of a new family member. As my wife, Connie, has continuously lobbied for a new dog since Tootsie died a year ago, I finally conceded and brought home Bella, an 8 week old Lab/Australian Shepherd mutt from the Animal Shelter. What a beauty! Although this was intended to be a Mother's Day gift, Bella is secretly more MY dog rather than Connie's, but if I say that out loud, then no one will help me care for her. But Bella and I know!

My exercise continues. Not two-a-days everyday, but I am getting plenty of practice with the backpack and continuing to run the streets and attack the Stairmaster at the gym. My biggest concern is with the altitude. It is difficult to get prepared for a 14'er when one is training at sea level. I guess I have to work that much harder to get ready. Brad brought me a book on 14,000 foot peaks of Colorado. Lisa has informed me that we will be climbing Mt. Princeton, a majestic mountain in the Collegiate range. This will be her 31^st fourteen'er! Well, if I finish it then I can tell everybody that I completed Princeton! There I go again…another stolen line from my Dad!

It never ceases to amaze me how many times I open my mouth and my Dad's words come out! Back in mid 1980's, we lived in a southern suburb of Boston. On one of the frequent trips that Mom and Dad made to visit, we were sightseeing and drove over to Cambridge. As we approached Harvard Square, my Dad demanded that we park the car so he could walk through the hallowed grounds of Harvard.

"That way, I can tell everybody that I went through Harvard!" he exclaimed. So, stop the car we did and took a brief walk around the quadrangle admiring the ivy covered walls of Harvard. Upon getting back in the car, Dad said, "Now I can say I went through Harvard. Not bad for a guy who never went to college."

So even though I like to think that most of my material is original, my folks' idioms keep spewing from my mouth. They feel like my own words. They even taste like my own words. Maybe they are my own words and we are merely extensions of those that come before us.

My birthday was last week…51 years old. Wow! I remember when I thought 51 was old. Now it seems really, really young. Where has the time gone? It seems that life has been a flash. A half century plus one year is a long time. I hope I have at least another 51 left in me. There is still so much to do……..

Connie gave me a cool digital camera for my birthday. It will be fun to document the journey in pictures and share them with all that matters to me. But, in reality, this is another "toy" for me to enjoy. One of my interests recently has been the technical revolution. I am enthralled with the high-tech world and have had my share of computers, PDA's, gadgets, Tivo's, camcorders, DVD's, CD's, players, recorders, cell phones, amplifiers, etc, etc. It is mentally stimulating to learn about these gadgets and to understand how they work and make even mundane tasks exciting. I believe that if the technical revolution had been around 30 or more years ago, I would have been a high-tech geek working in the high tech world!

It's been a good weekend….Brad has come home for the summer, Dad and Sharon have come into town for a couple of weeks, Connie and I had a good workout together in the gym this morning, Bella is growing quickly, our June 6^th trip to Colorado is rapidly approaching and A Fat Man's Journey continues……………..

June 3, 2002

It is hard to believe that another couple of weeks have passed since I last wrote. It seems that there is never enough time to do what we intend to do! But, I have continued to exercise and prepare for the climb! It is Monday night and we leave on Thursday for Colorado. I can't wait!

I finally semi-finished the business plan and am now putting the final cosmetic touches to the presentation. It would be nice to get this completed before we leave for Colorado, so that we can see if there is any investor interest. It worries me that the clients think that I am the sole answer to raising money for this new venture….I have been there and done that and it ain't easy!!!

My sweet daughter, the light of my life, sent me this writing with her personal note….Maybe, this Mount Analogue is really what I am trying to write about:

"There are outer mountains and inner mountains. Their very presence beckons to us, calls us to ascend. Perhaps the full teaching of a mountain is that you carry the whole mountain inside yourself, the outer one as well as the inner. And sometimes you search and search for the mountain without finding it until the time comes when you are sufficiently motivated and prepared to find a way through, first to the base, then to the summit. The mountain climb is a powerful metaphor for the life quest, the spiritual journey. The path of growth, transformation, and understanding. The arduous difficulties we encounter along the way embody the very challenges we need in order to stretch ourselves and thereby expand our boundaries. In the end, it is life itself which is the mountain, the teacher, serving us up perfect opportunities to do the inner work of growing in strength and wisdom. And we have a lot of learning and growing to do once we choose to make the journey. The risks are considerable, the sacrifices awesome, the outcome always uncertain. Ultimately, it is the climb itself which is the adventure, not just standing at the top.

First we learn what it's like at the base. Only later do we encounter the slopes, and finally, perhaps, the top. But you can't stay at the top of a mountain. The journey up is not complete without the descent, the stepping back and seeing the whole again from afar. Having been at the summit, however, you have gained a new perspective, and it may change your way of seeing forever.

As best we can, we show others what we have seen up to now. It's at best a progress report, a map of our experiences, by no means the absolute truth. And so the adventure unfolds. We are all on the mountain together. And we need each other's help.

- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindful Meditation In Everyday Life

Lisa followed up this thought provoking piece with this postscript:

"I am looking forward to our ascent of Mt. Princeton and for introducing you to a piece of my world that is sacred and very close to my heart."

Ah…my other great accomplishment in life…my daughter, Lisa. One of the great individualists that I have ever known, she is a complex, delightful, deep thinking, analytical, free-willed bundle of energy. Lisa WILL save the world from itself..I am convinced of that. Or at the very least, she will leave this world a much better place than she found it! I admire my daughter, even envy her as she travels through her life eschewing the material things for the pleasure that giving and living provide on their own! The person she decides to share her life with will be one of the luckiest people in the world, because there will never be a dull moment in Lisa's life!

One of the great tragedies is that my mother never got to see my kids grow up. She would have lived vicariously through my daughter as I believe that Lisa's adventures would have thrilled my mother and her unorthodox ideas and paths. They are remarkably alike in their personalities.

It is late now and I will try to write more before the trip….In any event, I will have plenty to write about upon my return……………and the journey continues!

October 12, 2010

The road to hell is paved with good intentions! Now, it is 8 years later and I never got around to writing any more about the adventure. It doesn't really matter now, but I never did complete the 14'er....got within a hundred feet or so of the summit and due to Lisa's freaking out over a couple of clouds, headed back down the mountain. I am sure that I still made it over 14,000 feet....the hike took over 12 hours to complete!

So, the last 8+ years have been a blur:

Brad DID graduate from Colorado and met the love of his life in Boulder. He and Claire were married and now are expecting their first baby....our first grandchild...in January. Brad and Claire have lived in Colorado, New York (while Claire got a Culinary degree), Israel, California and now Baltimore. All of those travels netted Brad a Masters degree in Jewish Education and a position with a large congregation in Baltimore. Lisa has remained in Denver since receiving 2 Masters degrees from University of Denver and is the Regional Resource Coordinator for the Gov't's HIV/AIDS and Teenage Sexual Health programs. Needless to say, I am proud of both of their accomplishments! Connie's Mom, Florence, passed away last October. My Dad and Sharon bought a condo in Boca West and spend the winters here. We moved 7 years ago to a smaller house and I am still hawking some Real Estate and accepting Consulting jobs wherever and whenever I can get them.

AND......I have lost and gained 40 to 50 pounds about 3 or 4 times in the last 8 years....the struggle continues! The latest was a 40 pound drop since last Thanksgiving...thank you Jenny Craig and lots and lots of exercise.

Now that I am in the 60th year of my life, I have decided that I need to do something epic to celebrate my 60th Birthday. I've done the mountain thing, have even bicycled from home to the Keys...but I really want to come up with a self-satisfying epic adventure. There are several things in the consideration stage.....stay tuned: A Fat Man's Journey continues..........